Things have been going seriously downhill and drastically downhill lately.
It's become extremely apparent that I need to a new doctor.
The trouble is this:
There is not one Rheumatologist in Humboldt, nor in Redding. The closest is SF.
There is not a single Pain Management doctor in Humboldt, there are there in Redding.
There are 7 psychiatrists in Humboldt tht take my insurance; none of them are taking new patients.
County Mental Health won't see me because I have insurance.
How much more screwed can I get?
One of my Fibromyalgia meds, Sevella, triggered what can only be described as a total break from reality. I couldn't stop bawling, my anxiety level on a scale from 1-10 was a 20, I began Hallucinating, I became extremely paranoid. I thought the ER personnel were talking amongst themselves about sending me to the local Mental Health ward for a Psych Hold. I thought I heard them say they were putting an APB on my car, do they could track me down if I fled. My facefelt like plastic when I touched it. The lights were so bright in the room i was put in. Everything looked fake, or surreal. I had to secretly and quietly text and call my dad to help come save saveme; prevent them from locking me away; so I thought.
This was one of a few breaks from reality I've experienced since I was 18.
At 13 I became very depressed, anxious, and started displaying OCD tendencies.
At 16 my dad dragged me to the doctor to be put on my first antidepressant.
I've since been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and that's just what I can remember.
I've seen numerous psychiatrists.
I've tried at least 13 different medications.
I've dealt with the worst "care" imaginable, doctors who've left me worse off than when I came in, inadequate care, and sympathetic care that just didn't work.
Humboldt County is one of the worst places to be sick, Mentally or Physically.
In addition to these mental health diagnoses, my physical health is deteriorating.
My recent Xrays show scoliosis and arthritis in my back.
My Fibromyalgia and Sjogren's Syndrome are out of control. And now, without the Sevella --worse than ever.
I'm not being treated yet for the Arthritis, Scoliosis, or Sjogren's.
I'm barely being treated for Fibro, depression, and anxiety.
I'm literally in bed all day.
I'm literally alone all day.
I'm in terrible, debilitating pain 24/7.
My anxiety is out of this world.
My depression, along with everything else, has stolen my life.
Most of the time I feel hopeless.
This is no way to live. Not to mention, It's not living. It's merely being alive.
I remind myself of the patients I used to take care of in the old folks home.
Slowly wasting away in bed. No visitors. In pain. Depressed.Waiting for death.
My aunt told me about a clinic in Santa Barbra, The Samsun Clinic. They run every test known to man there. They treat over 30 specialties.
They provide mind and body care.
This sounds promising. They also take my insurance.
I've become more interested in ECT, ElectroConvulsive Therapy, than ever before.
I think this could help my depression and anxiety once and for all.
I'm looking into this.
Things are bleak right now.
I'm unhappy to put it mildly.
I'm unproductive, to put it mildly.
I'm not using any of my talents, or fulfilling my goals and aspirations.
I want my life back. And I want it to be better than it's ever been.
