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| I made this because it's EXACTLY how I feel today. |
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| This is who writes this blog. . |
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| So is this. |
I'm feeling pretty low right now.
Pissed would be a more accurate description.
The doctor that I have currently, more than sucks --she's utterly useless.
All the qualified doctors in Humboldt County have full practices.
I've started writing letters to doctors that are not accepting new patients, but that have been highly recommended to me, begging them to see me.
I'm writing letters, begging doctors to see me.
Even though I have Blue Cross.
Even though I have money for co-pays.
Even though I have reliable transportation.
Even though I have documented conditions that are well known for exponentially lowering ones' quality of life.
This slacker of an unsympathetic doctor that I'm stuck with until I find someone else, is screwing me on referrals.
And I don't even find out about the fact that this or that referral isn't going through until I visit the clinic for some other reason.
Then they mention it.
"Sorry about UCSF, they aren't taking new patients."
How long have you had this information?
Why hasn't anybody bothered to fill me in?
I've been sitting here, feeling like death, day in, day out, waiting for UCSF to call with an appointment date.
"But we'll re-route the referral to Redding."
Sweet.
You couldn't have done that as soon as you found out that UCSF wouldn't be taking me?
Then the woman who handles referrals at my clinic actually called me!
This is after I voice my frustrations over the phone to the front desk lady.
Her news?
The Rheumatologist in Redding that I was referred to isn't taking new patients.
Sweet news bro.
Hows about you get on the horn and keep trying?
How about LA?
HOW ABOUT ANYWHERE,?
HOWZ ABOUT ANY RHEUMATOLOGIST THAT IS TAKING PATIENTS?
I loathe North Country Clinic.
I'm going to say this, and I'm not even worried about Karma after the way I've been treated by them:
I hope they all get Fibromyalgia; and to top it off --Sjogren's Syndrome.
Then they would know first-hand what a life-stealing, tormenting, utterly horrendous way of existence this is.
Maybe then they would help.
This is my current state:
- Stuck with a useless doctor.
- Not on a single med to treat for Fibro or Sjogren's.
- Not getting the referrals I need to get help; and get my life back.
- Immense amounts of consistent, daily pain; from sunrise to sundown.
- Depressed as fuck that this is my life, without help.
- Stuck in bed, in pain, all damn day.
- Fatigued as fuck.
- Social life has flown out the window.
- Broke, as I can't work.
- I'm using a fucking wheelchair to get around when I know I'll have to walk or stand for even short amounts of time.
- Pissed that I can't find someone who gives a shit.
How many of You?
- How many of you have been subjected to this kind of bullshit torture?
- How many of you feel you're on death's doorstep?
- How many of your days are filled with phone calls, leaving messages, and waiting for call backs?
- How many of you have a shitty doctor that is not fighting your insurance to get them to pay for the meds you need to bring you from bedridden, to, having quality of life?
- How many of you are going without the medications you so desperately need?
- How many of you struggle to shower?
- How many of you struggle to prepare a meal for yourself?
- How many have you lost your social life?
- How many of you are isolated?
- In bed?
- In constant pain?
- Utterly depressed?
- How many of you feel hopeless?
When you feel so, so poorly, depression sinks in pretty hard.
It becomes more and more difficult to muster up the fight in you to continue your battle to getting better.
When you feel so poorly not only physically, but mentally, sometimes it doesn't seem worth it.
It just keeps getting more difficult, more frustrating, more hopeless seeming.
Day by day.
From flare up to flare up.
This isn't right.
This isn't The American Dream.
This isn't health care.
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| This is me. Happy me. Not me now. |
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My pops and I.
P.S. Please punch somethin for me, I can't, I hurt :( |
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